now that's better...

I had a much better day today.  I didn't talk to anyone I didn't need to at work and I was able to go up to Miki and Ben's house this evening for dinner and horrible television.  I'm going to have to make the regular wednesday night gig again, cause hanging out with them is one of the best things for me.

I'm also getting really excited for change.  I've got a lot to start doing once I get back from Wonder-Con and I will be trying really hard to have shit change.  I'm done with the crap that has gone one and ready for this shit to stop.

AWESOME.

Shitty day...

But I'm going to end it by running in the freezing cold.

I bought a plane ticket this evening to boston to Abbie and Rich and of course little Jeffrey!  That makes things all the much more better.

I'm now waiting for Collin to give me back my spare keys so I can go on a run this evening.  I really want to run for a bit, not for long, but just a little bit will make me less crazy.  I really want to ride my bike, but it's fucking freezing out... So tires on frozen roads does not work, trust me I know... One of my accidents on a bike was due to me biking when it was too cold and I had my back gears rip open my left heal pretty badly.

At work, I'm not making friends with anyone in my department again.  I'm done with it and I'm completely done with them.  I've been stabbed in the back too many times.  I'm there to work and do a good job and that's it.  I don't trust anyone there, considering everyone talks about everyone else behind there backs.  Thank goodness I have other options...

I slept for 13 hours

I slept for 13 hours last night and today I guess.  I was so tired and my bones just needed to refresh.

I had a dream sometime this morning about the ex-wife.  I have recently realized that I don't have my cast iron skillet that my Grandma Vi gave me.  And I've been really wanting to contact her to get it back.  But in my dream I decided to break into the old apartment that we shared.  I get the skillet and I'm about to leave and notice that the place is just a mess. Clothes were everywhere, dirty dishes, etc...  So I start cleaning, under the mess I find the computer and it was on and her facebook account was up so I of course looked, but didn't see much and then she came home. I was going to hide, but I was like fuck it and I wanted to ask her why she didn't give it back to me.  So in the dream I asked that, and she said that she was glad to see me and that she didn't give me a lot of my stuff on purpose, so she could have a reason to see me.  And then we became friends after this?  I woke up, and somehow ended up back into the dream making out with someone in the old apartment.  I don't remember who I was making out with, but I think it was the girl (who's number I got) from the plane yesterday.  We had to leave, cause the ex-wife was coming home and we ended up in an apartment that was not mine, but somehow was mine?  It was strange... I think I really needed to sleep, A LOT!

Also, I was reminded today about kitty cat baths.  Now, this is something my mom did to me when I had a dirty face as a young child.  She would get a wash cloth and get it wet with warm water and wash my face and meow.  I loved it!  Once at my grandmother's house, my grandma did the same exact thing!  I got super excited and asked her where she learned that from and if my Mom taught her that.  She replied with no, and that she taught it to my mother.  It's something I hope to past to my niece and any kids that I have in the future.  It made me smile today... It's the little things.

hannah is drunk...

and sleeping in the other bed in my hotel room.  I have two full size beds in my room and I'm glad I still have a free one for me to take up.

I of course got drunk too, but my booze in take has been very controlled.  I'm just going to sleep and make sure that I'm up in time for tomorrow.  Plus, it's only 10:45pm... That means I'm responsible...

I cried a little last night...

I read something that made me tear up a bit last night.  It actually made me want to call the ex-wife and tell her that I was still in love with her.  I'm not in love with her in the way to get back together or anything remotely close.  But more to hear her say it out loud again...

That isn't going to actually happen though.

I had another great night with the NorCal Tens and Hannah is down here too!  We got some great tacos, ice cream and booze.  Not too much booze, just enough.  I realized that I can't drink a shit ton here, since I'm working and that is way too important to fuck up right now.  But Friday, I will be a bit tired and emotional.

When I got back to the hotel this evening I had Hannah and Christina waiting for me in the lobby.  I grabbed them and we went up to my hotel room so I could change my clothes and then we could pick up Alyssa.  Hannah went down first, and Christina and I followed like 5 minutes after her.  While in the elevator with Christina I stuck my arm out to escort her out of the lift and we ran into two of my co-workers.  I felt like a pimp... I had a very beautiful lady on my arm and my co-workers were a bit shocked that I had only left them 15 minutes prior and had some random lady with me.  That felt pretty rad... Good way to start my night.  And an even better way is to end it now and super sleepy.

Goodnight...

It feels so different.

About a year ago I was in this same hotel, on a different floor crying myself to sleep.  Now, I'm a little buzzed, saw a friend sing in a great musical, and hung out with some NorCal Tens.  Oh, how shit is so different.  

It hurt a little bit today.  But it hurt in a way that I was happy about what I once had.  And for that, I'm thankful.  It's been one year since I left that voice mail message on your phone... You never heard it, but that was the end for me.  It was the change I needed.

Goodnight, I've been up since 4am... 

I'm going to be on a plane soon

I wanted to post this song months ago, but I literally forgot about it until now...

This song is a huge part of my childhood, since my oldest brother loved Tears for Fears.  It is also a song from one of my favorite scenes of any movie.  Donnie Darko has this cut scene that has this song in the background and actually creates so much character development from this one scene.  I fell in love with that movie just from this song and how it was used.  It totally blew my mind grapes...

I love this movie... It's my make out movie.



I should watch this movie again...